Leaving town tomorrow - I’ll be gone till Monday sometime 
Went to the doctor today for my follow-up, and I’m on sick leave out December. In January I start again but only part time hours for now. Hmm. I don’t know how I feel about that yet.
Random facts..
Saidee sent this to me, so I figured I’d answer too.
Four things about me that you may or may not have known in any
particular order.
1. I’ve been on sick leave since late September from work
2. I love animals especially horses and cats and dogs
3. I was cheerleader captain in high school
4. I’m good with people
Four movies I’ve watched more than once:
1. Forrest Gump
2. Lord of the Rings 1,2 and 3
3. Dirty Dancing
4. Rent
Four T.V. Shows that I watch:
1. CSI Las Vegas
2. One Tree Hill
3. Family Guy
4. Grey’s Anatomy
Four places I have lived:
1. Toronto, Canada
2. Stavanger, Norway
3. Oslo, Norway
4. Brooksville, KY, USA
Four People who e-mail me (regularly):
Hmmm…
1. My dad
2. My mom when I’m not here
3. Other friends who are no longer live close to me
Four Places I would like to visit:
1. South Africa
2. Vancouver, Canada (yes Jeff I’m coming to visit!)
3. Thailand
4. Washington state so I can invade my BFFL’s room!
Four friends I think will respond:
Posting this on my blog.. So I dunno.
1. Jason
2. Ollie
3. I dunno @_@
Four things I am looking forward to in the coming year:
1. Getting better
2. Moving back to the States
3. Get healthy again
4. See my cat!
Thanks for the comments Jason, B and Ollie. I appreciate it^^
I think I’ve sprained my ankle, AGAIN @_@ As some of you know, I’ve started riding again (horses!) and I have a horse I take care of every Tuesday and Thursday. Horse’s name is Kitan, he’s not a very big horse but he has a big heart and I enjoy being back in the saddle, and even in stables a lot. Anyway - rode him for an instructor today (which is oddly enough my old dressage trainer) and when we were done and I was getting off the horse, my foot landed wrong and my ankle kinda got tilted, and now it hurts and is a bit swollen :x. I’ve been getting lectured by everyone that I NEED to go see the doctor if it’s not better tomorrow, so I guess that’s what I’m going to do.
I actually went out on Saturday night - my best friend Oda was in town and it ended like it USUALLY does, us both drunk, and strangely enough we made Ali come out too, haha. We started the night at Oda’s, her and me had dinner and then we went to town to meet up with Vicky. We sat at a bar and had drink after drink, Oda gets the bright idea that I should call Ali so I do - and then he came to town as well^^. Had a fun night out with some of my really close friends, and some of the people who’s known me the longest - I think we’ve all been friends since we were 16 or 17 or something… 10 years - crazy!
Am I doing better? Not the least, but I try to get on with my days and stay strong.
My mind’s really just a clutter and a mess right now and have been for a while probably, I think I might be overanalyzing everything that’s going on - most of it goes back to problems I’ve been having for years, and I’m fairly sure it all has to do with my low self esteem and the feeling of not being accepted, not belonging, people not liking me, not living up to expectations and so on.
With everything going on I wish I could’ve picked a better time to be like this, but it sort of just happened I guess. I guess cause I’m so messed up right now I have no idea how to deal with everything, and don’t want to deal with anything, just cause it’s hard to deal with ANYTHING when I’m not okay in my mind if that makes sense…
My doctor sent a recommendation letter thing to a therapist though so I’m really hoping when I go there things will look up a bit. It’s just been way too much lately - and I guess it all added up and got me worse than something normally does.
Right now I just want to wake up one day, preferably in me and Mark’s apartment in our water bed, open my eyes and not have that feeling of hopelessness..
I promised I’d write an update and well, to be honest, there’s not really much to say. I’m still on sick leave till December 1st at least but it will probably be much longer because I am so stressed. I can’t deal at all right now, and I’m borderline depressed, having anxiety and social fear (yeah me, miss SOCIAL!). There’s just been way too much stuff going on and I don’t know how to deal with it all anymore. I’m sure I’ll be fine eventually though. I feel bad cause I’m worried that my parents are gonna think this is their fault - they’ve been really understanding this whole time.
Finally got some sleep last night after 6 days or something without much sleep at all so at least that’s something right?
I’m doing as little as possible, and my best friend Morgy has been playing therapist/shrink/vent outlet lately haha <3. It helps though.
Been dealing with a lot lately, I’ll write an update soon!